I have seen so many devastatingly heartbreaking stories recently about babies going to Heaven and families taking their children home to die, these are stories that I am all too familiar with.
I wanted to shine a little light of hope that I thought I would never be able to share. Happiness can follow these dark days, life can grow around the grief and love can be felt through the numbness. Max has been gone for 20 months which is not long at all! If you’d have asked me how I was feeling this time last year I would have probably said that I wanted to die – I was never suicidal, I just wanted to be with Max, I still do but I now know that there is still a life for me here. If you ask me how I am today I would be able to say we are happy, we were knocked off a cliff and have now found a way to clamber back up again. It’s not been an easy climb by any means and I definitely slip and fall back every now and then, but a majority of my days I now spend smiling. I have time for my grief but it doesn’t occupy my whole world now, some days it does sneak up and hit me like a train but I will always allow myself to have “sad” days because I will always love my son.
My heart goes out to those suffering in the depths of grief right now, take your time, ride the waves and we’ll all be here when you need us. Today, tomorrow….next year and forever.